Transcript for #1534 - Ron White

You look like you're well rested. Like the COVID lockdown has done you well.

And what is so fucking much? What's the numbers?

By the way, these little cigars are the shit. These are really good. Romeo and Juliet, tiny cigars.

That's how they look. And you look like you're smoking a plant.

Clearly. And in Austin, what were you saying about the rules? It's like, what you could have as much as a quarter of a pound before they arrest you. Yeah, it's a quarter of a pound.

They have CBD stores out here, folks. It's very strange. They have stores itself CBD joints, but marijuana is illegal.

So you're not from here, but you've been here for how long now it? Two years? How long have you

It's taking a dive since Thursday? All these fucking Californians moving in.

Yeah, I talk to the guys doing IT work is like we're being invaded. Right. Relax.

But that's what keeps it from going haywire, right? Right. That's what keeps it from going straight Portland. Right.

Let's be bored. Ridiculous. You need that. You need you need law and order. You do. I don't give a fuck with anybody. Yeah.

It's just, I just feel like, you know, people want to throw away everything that's there. They would just want to break it all down a deconstruct society. But they don't really, I mean, they're, they're planned once they do that. You saw what happened with that six block chunk of Seattle that they took over. Chaz. It deteriorated almost instantly and became a terribly run country. Right. They had borders. They had people beating people up for filming things. I mean, they had murders. They're thinking about wall. Yes, they took over too. Not only that, they appropriated all the buildings. They didn't build those buildings. They just took it over. The problem with that kind of thinking is, even if you think you're right, what you're doing, now someone can do that to you because you've already shown that it can be done. You've already shown that you could just buy force. You can light the fucking mayor of Portland's apartment building on fire and stand out in the chant. Well, they could do that to your house, too. Right. You got to understand, like what you're doing is not nice. It's not civilized. It's not polite. This is a civilized society. Sure is. And if you decide that you're going to do things that are not civilized and you're going to justify, people can do things that are not civilized to you. Like the founding fathers as crazy as it is in the 1700s figure that shit out in advance. They had a whole series of checks and balances to keep things from going sideways. They really had some good ideas. It's really amazing when you stop and think about their great insight into human nature and how it could apply.

Well, it's just these young people with these idealistic ideas about people that are successful that somehow know that you've stolen it from other people and that you need to give it back to everyone else. We need to have a communist society and just like, where's the money coming from? Who's going to work? What are you going to do? Have you thought this through?

It is, but it isn't, you know, you say that, but you were a grinder. You were out there on the road doing the hard gigs. That's not Lee's resistance. No, it was.

If you just look at the most of sight, at least I did when I looked at most of society, most of what people were doing so unappealing to me. It just didn't resonate with my mind and the way I grew up. It just didn't work. But as soon as I started doing comedy and going on the road, I was like, oh my god, I found this thing. Yeah, I found a thing that just works. It just fits into my DNA. It just makes sense.

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We were talking about divorce. I was like, you're talking about how you've been fucked over. And I said, if I could just go back at time when you were broken, I'd said, Ron, in the year 2020, you will have been fucked out of millions of dollars in divorce. And you'd be like, well, fuck, man, how much did I make?

You don't score in money away for divorce.

Really? You done with stand up? I think so. Listen, man. We're going to open up a club here in Austin. Oh, I'll do that. I want to drag you in. Yeah. You're going to crush. You're going to get the feeling down to your toes that tingle. Woo!

It's right now we're in September.

And there's no shows inside. Well, you can go some places. Houston's doing shows, San Antonio's doing shows, Nashville's doing shows, Kansas City's doing shows, a lot of places like Fuck It. Let's roll. Let's just do it.

He got it from you.

Whoever he glee's road manager is drops to that guy because he saw it coming and caught him.

I mean, that guy is the floor on the fuck it because if he hits the fall for man, he's got brain damage, right? Yeah. You fall from that view fall from a sitting position.

Did you watch the video of him? Like, his words got all jumbled together. Like, they didn't make sense. Yeah, no, I didn't see it. And then it was one. It was, it was very strange. Like, in the crowd was like, what? What the fuck did he just say? Oh, is that it? What are you doing, James? We got a lot of technical glitches. We're working out the Gremlins here. That's a new studio. James Joe showed first. He'll show it to us. We'll get it. We'll figure it out. But it was a weird moment where he just paused and then and just started to collapse in his manager caught him right in time and then just dragged him off the stage.

See, he catches him. Look at this. Oh, it still bounced his head though.

No, wasn't the best catch. I like that little great go-to thing going on.

I must have been a fun outing.

I'm sure golf is awesome. It's just, that's a lot of time. That's a time. You don't have time for it, buddy.

Yeah, last podcast we did. We got a little bit. Yeah. We're gonna crazy. Yeah, early, so I'm just fucking the killer. You come bring in your own decilo. What's your man's supposed to do?

So you were saying you're just in the to kill business now. You're basically not even in the comedy business anymore.

When you call someone a comic, Like, how long do they have to have done it?

What's a while?

That's a tough spot to be in. Yeah, it's horrible. Charlie Murphy was famous and then he started doing stand up. So he was doing stand up as a famous person. Famous for being funny on the Chappelle show. Right. That took balls. Yeah, I did. And I was around Charlie during those days and it was crazy. I mean, he just was learning stand up in front of sold out crowds.

I think the most fun you have is when you're just making enough money to not worry about money. Everything else gets complicated. Yeah. Things get complicated when they can take 10 million from you in a divorce.

I'm just gonna sell the boat to get a bus, sell the bus to get a boat. But if everything comes back, like if they develop a vaccine, if we re-turtle immunity, if people start touring again, you'll be out there.

I don't know what's left, Joe. I'll bring you out there. I'll just bring you out for a guess at. Bring you out for a little guess. I give you a little taste. You know what? I feel the roar of the crowd. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Ron. Why?

I walk right back into it. I did Houston improv cup but guess about month and a half two months ago now. And I listened to a bunch of sets. And I did the whole weekend. And the listen to like three or four recordings, made notes, wrote down all my stuff. I forgot a couple of things. I forgot the way the order or a few tag lines. But I walked out, just having a great time. I had a great time. First show was a little odd. Like, wow, can't believe I'm doing stand up again. By the second show was a show. By the third show, I was back. Okay. But it was just because I listened to all the recordings. I took a lot of time. What's real?

Small place the improv okay, you know, I think it seats 500 and I think they were at 75% capacity Yeah, where they're no empty chairs.

So it's casinos that basically shut down for months at a time.

Yeah, it's all crystals. It's great here.

Yeah. She takes don't like those romantic ideas. Yeah.

Yeah. Off in my mom. Yeah. Yeah. That's the big fear, man. That's the big fear. The big fear is given to somebody who can't handle it, right? Right. It's a weird one, man. I mean, this society has changed in such a radical way over the last six months. It's almost like, if you, well, I know someone who actually did get hit by a car right before George Floyd died. and had brain damage and came out of a coma like while the riots were going on like literally didn't know what was going on and has brain damage and it's trying to put it all together like you ever see that movie 28 days later Yeah. Awesome zombie movie. But the guy wakes up in the middle of a coma from a coma and the world's changed. He woke up and they were a virus that swept through the land. Some a virus that they created for chimpanzees called rage. And it escaped from a lab and started infecting people and turned them into these wild zombie creatures. All right. But you know, it's almost like that. Like this person that I know woke up. from this from getting hit by a car flown through the air landed on their head got all fucked up in a coma for 10 days hospitalized and then coming out of it watching the news going what the fuck is happening right

Yeah, I think most people have caught on with it now. Don't you think most people are in masks? It's pretty rare that people aren't wearing masks, especially, um, it's become, I think a little bit better.

You taking your vitamin D? No. Okay, you have to take vitamin D. It's very important. There's an article that was just published recently that I put on my Twitter page that I don't read your Twitter page. You don't have to, but I'll send you the things directly that are important. All right. But this was talking about vitamin C and people that get COVID and wind up in the ICU and vitamin D rather, vitamin D seems to be the biggest factor. that people, one of the things Dr. Rhonda Patrick talked about on the podcast, too, is that more than 80% of the people in the ICU are deficient in vitamin D. And only 4% had sufficient levels of vitamin D. The vitamin D has a significant impact on your immune system, and most people don't get it. You probably get a good amount because you're out in the sun golfing a lot, but probably not quite enough, or you should almost always supple me.

Everybody does. Yes, right. Humans aren't supposed to live in this little fucking red spaceship. We're supposed to be outside in the world. Yeah. I mean, this is how we evolved. We evolved to be outside all the time. We didn't evolve to be indoor creatures.

If you want to be more confident, you have to start taking care of yourself.

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You know, are you willing? I'll put you on a program.

I do. That's one of the reasons why I have energy. I sleep a lot. A little amount of sleep for me is six hours. That's a little amount. Like that's like, oh, I got to catch up. A good night. I'm sleeping eight, maybe even nine. Yeah, I sleep. I sleep good. It's important. Everything, man.

I think we're about 40 minutes. Okay, that's close. Yeah. Close? 30 minutes.

You made yourself a deal, it's hilarious. Yeah, see, if you drink this every day, you're not going to have a lot of energy, but you will have an interesting energy while you're drinking it.

So some good ideas with this stuff. This stuff will bring me to the strange places.

Are you still microdosing? You know, did it stop working?

Ooh, fuck is putting someone in jail from mushrooms. I got you go to jail.

Particularly, microdosing.

Well, I ran into you at the green room at the Comedy Store, and you were like, I found this thing that's fucking amazing. I'm just microdosing. Yeah, I guess I'm on medication.

I go, how are you feeling? It's wonderful. It's wonderful.

But the microdosen, it's like, it's just enough to feel it, right? It's just like, you just, just enough to feel it, you just, just enough to take the edge off a life. But you're very there. Very coherent. Yeah, even more probably. Yeah, well, they say you see things better. There was studies done visual acuity, one of these, psychedelic researchers, they did these things with people, they gave them low doses of psilocybin, and they were able to detect movement quicker than people without it, like so they have two lines, two parallel lines, and one of the lines would diverge off of parallel. The people on mushrooms could recognize it much quicker, and the people not on mushrooms.

Yeah, it makes you see things. Makes you hear things. Makes you hear.

Hmm. It comes and goes. We're going to get some ground ones to take a ship noises in your spaceships.

Yeah, we're working this place out. I'm trying to figure it out. I like it though. I think it's, you know, whenever you're in a new spot, you got to get accustomed to it. It still feels weird. Like we did one with Adam Curry just felt weird. It feels weird to be here. Yeah, I've already used to it. Yeah, I'm used to, I'm used to Austin. Tell you that. I got used to it quick. I'm settled in. I love it. Like in a lot. I love the less people. I love how friendly everybody is. There's a lot of good things about this place. I love the barbecue. I had diarrhea for four days in a row. Couldn't stop. Really? I was eating as fucking barbecue. I had like a piece of lettuce in four days. All ribs, ribs and sauce like Jesus.

Oh man, I was going everywhere. I found this hole in the wall, a B.K. Barbecue Holy Shit. It's like a trailer. Like this little trailer that you pull up to. Fucking phenomenal.

That's where it all came from. Wow, it all came from Germany. Yeah. No kidding. Oh, wow. Well, I know there's a lot of German folks that live in Fredericksburg, right? Like out there.

Oh, those guys. Yeah, my pussy fuck it fuck showers.

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You can't have bad barbecue here. You will not survive. No, no, no, no, no. You will not survive. I found that out.

You cannot. It's not happening. It's not happening. Everything's good. Yeah. The real worry, like I was saying, is that people like me will come here and fuck it up. How could you fuck? I'm not gonna fuck it up. I'm gonna find nice Texas people and say tell me how to vote. I'll vote for your way. I want to keep your thing going. Whatever you did to get this, I want to keep this going.

But politics could fuck it up though.

No, not the barbecue. But they could fuck up some of the aspects of this place. Like, yeah, freedom parts. Right. Yeah. The thing about having a place like this is you got to kind of let people do like one of the things that I love about Texas is the fact that it's so wild that you could do a lot of shit here. You could do crazy. Like I looked at a ranch. And I said, what if I wanted to put a comedy club on this ranch? Is there any rules? They go, no, no, go ahead. They were like, God, I go, what about a shooting range? They're like, okay, of course. Fine. Yeah, bring it. Like, do whatever the fuck you want. Put a fence around, shoot every animal you have. Yeah, just, it's it's freedom.

That's true. You could fly the Texas flag. It's the only flag? Yeah. Do you know why this place is so crazy? Do you know the whole history? Why it's so different than anywhere else?

The command cheese is really what it is. Okay. Let's hear it Joe. They had to fight off the command cheese. The command cheese. They were mean were the baddest motherfuckers in the planes. And they literally ran the Western part of this country. They were the most savage. They all they ate was meat. They lived off of like buffalo meat, basically. They learned how to ride horseback better than any other Indians. They learned how and they called themselves Indians. This is a thing like Native American versus Indian. I've talked to them. They prefer the term Indian. I don't know if that applies to all of them. But the ones that I've talked to when I've been trying to educate myself about this shit, they said we prefer the term Indians.

The original people in the 1400s thought they were in India. But for whatever reason, it stuck. But the Commanches, the Texas Rangers were the first guys to figure out how to beat the Commanches. So Mexico was allowing people to move in to Texas and Oklahoma back in the day when the settlers were like, go ahead, my friend, go ahead, it's free. And they were basically using settlers as a buffer for the Commanches. Because everybody who moved into these places and built houses just got slaughtered. Right. And so when... But it was Ranger. Texas. Texas. Texas. Texas. Texas. Texas. Texas. Texas. And so what year? I don't remember what year. But they figured out the Texas Rangers, the first guys they figured out how to fight the Commanches. And what they did is they basically fought like them. The early settlers used to get off of their horses to shoot. So they get off their horses with a fucking musket, and the command sheets would run on them, and they could shoot five, six arrows in six seconds. So they would just shoot boom, boom, fillin' them up with arrows, and these poor bastards had the musket with the stick and the powder, and they got fucked. So Colt figured out how to make a revolver, and the first revolver was made like somewhere in like the 1840s. And one of the very first people that used the revolver was the Texas Rangers, was Jack Hayes. Jack Hayes was the original Texas Ranger, and this bad motherfucker figured out how to live like a commander. He fight off a horseback, 99% sure that's his name. Jack Hayes, go with that, real quick. But we actually made a large photo of this dude that's going to hang in the front lobby. Oh cool. Yeah, there he is. John Hayes. Well, they call him Jack too, right? There's not weird that Jack is a nickname for John. Yeah. John F Kennedy is Jack Kennedy. Yeah, I didn't make any sense. How the fuck did that happen? Jack Hayes. Yeah, John Covey at Jack Hayes was an American military officer. So that dude, there's a large metal photo that's being made of him. He's a reason why Texas exists because these motherfuckers figured out how to fight the command cheese. They figured out how to do it, and partly because of cult, and because of the revolver. And the revolver was basically, this saw comes from a book that's an amazing book that I read called Empire the Summer Moon by this guy Sam Gwen, S-S-G Gwen, and it's all about the Commanches and how difficult it was for the settlers to make it across Texas. So Texas became this fiercely independent place partially in part because of their battles with the command she's who ran through Austin is there. You can find command she arrowheads in Austin still to this day. I have friends who've found them here.

Where they find them for the most is those buffalo jumps. You know those places where the command she would force buffalo off cliffs?

This is how wild it is. They would force so many of them off a cliffs that they would rot in a pile because they couldn't eat all of them. They would rot in a pile and they would be so much bacteria and rot that they would spontaneously combust. So most of these buffalo jumps, like when you would find at the bottom of it, they'd be charred, like charred cliffside because the piles of buffalo would literally burst and burst into flames.

Well, I can't play golf because I'd get obsessed. Yeah, it would. That's the problem.

Yeah. I know I would. I Tony Hinch Cliff is obsessed now. That poor bastard. He's hooked. He plays golf every day, sends me pictures.

That's how he is with pool. And a hinge cliff is horrible a lot of things that he's really into. Yeah.

He's really funny though. He's one of the best up and coming. He came with me to Houston when we did that gig Oh, dude. Yeah, he's fucking hilarious.

I'm going to open a club 100%. That's the plan. There's a long-term plan. There's a ranch and a club in those long-term plans.

You might be wrong.

I don't know about that. Not barbecue. Not just barbecue and comedy. I mean like outdoor festivals. I want to put in an amphitheater and do charity concerts like legitimately. Yeah, I think it all can be done. Promoted on the podcast, but you just have it for good for good will.

I remember you grabbed me at the comics till afterwards. You, I had no fucking idea.

Well, the thing is it seems like it's not, right? Because it's just you and me here hanging out. You know, it seems like it seems, it seems like it's just us. Yeah, right. It's how we would do if we were the back bar of the comedy store.

Yes. She drove it all the way to Texas to a fucking pig sanctuary.

Did you meet it? Yeah. You got pictures?

Well, you did say that.

You have wrapped around your neck.

But you were talking about it in glowing terms, and that's not a small part of why I'm here. There's several people that talked about it in such glowing terms. And when the looting hit, that was the big wake-up call for me. I was like, OK, I see what's going on here. Either can have armed guards everywhere, which already had at the studio, or felt weird, felt unmanageable. It feels like it's had a control and that Garcetti guy's not handling it well. No, I don't think so. No, it's a fucking disaster and there's more tents now that I've ever seen in any REI convention. Everywhere you go, everyone's camping, you know, it's like the streets are filled with people that got evicted from their houses, lost their jobs, don't have any money for anything and it's just way too many folks, way too many folks and not enough people work and it just seems dangerous.

You know, the guys who haven't made is those mobile home dudes that drive around those shitty mobile houses. Right. This is mean, basically, you park it in there's your house. I mean, you got a roof. You got to make it moved and you move and park it there. Yeah, but I mean, they're not, they're not even making people move that much anymore. After COVID, everything, after this whole George Floyd thing and the attacks on the police officers, it's like, there's very few things they're enforcing that they used to enforce. They used to kick the, where our old studio was, they used to kick them off the streets. This is not let them park in the street. Now they're all over the streets. You'll go down one of the side streets in the valley and you'll see 15, you'll get a van eyes area. You'll see like 15 of them in a row, 20 in a row. There's basically villages of people that are living out of their mobile homes. And most of them barely can drive. You know, there's a lot of them all fucked up, right? We thought someone was shooting in front of our house. We thought guns were going out in front of the studio, rather. And the security guys go out there and it's just one of those guys trying to start up as truck. That was back for Arizona. Bang, bang, bang. I mean, really loud. Like we were like, oh shit, it's going down right out front. But no, just a dude trying to move.

The thing is once things start happening and you didn't start it, but you're doing it. Like you're like looting. Like it takes a lot to get people smashed. Get someone to smash a window and run into a store and steal things. It takes a lot. But once someone's smashed the window and there's three people in there stealing things, it's not that hard to run in there. Right. That's what the problem with mom and tally is. Once things start happening, it's impossible. It's impossible.

It's very hard to stop. And once the genies out of the bottle, like it is in LA, when they let those cop cars on fire and smash all those streets on Melrose and all the way down the Hollywood Boulevard and just robbed all those stores. I was like, oh, you're not doing anything about this. There's no no cops are stopping us. You're going to let them the strategy was to let them burn themselves out. Right. I'm like, well, you've just set a precedent. Heck, right. And it's going to take years to turn this fucking battleship road immunity. Yeah.

But that's one of the reasons why you're okay. The the people the real danger is when the economic situation deteriorates. into a place where it's unmanageable. And that's how it is for a lot of people. A lot of those people that are looting and robbing stores like AOC said something ridiculous, like maybe those people just stealing some bread to feed their families, like probably not. But the reason why they're doing it is because they're broke. There's no rich people out there looting, you know, they're looting because they're desperate and because COVID in the lockdown has put people into this unmanageable situation where they really don't have any light at the end of the tunnel. They don't know what to do. That's dangerous. And so that's where you realize how much economic prosperity is attached to a civilized society. If everybody's doing well, everybody's fine. But as soon as people aren't doing well, it's more danger. It's more crime, it's more, you know. I don't know how that turns around. When all these businesses go under and then people have, what are they going to start new businesses? No, like how much going on?

Yeah.

Well, Austin, at least they're letting these people stay open with limited capacity and, you know, make people wear masks. And LA, you can't do anything. I mean, LA's the one place in the whole country where you can't open a beauty salon. You can't, all these hairdressers and barbershops are fucked. Right. They've been closed for six months. Did you see that Nancy Pelosi shit? Did you see that? That did. How fucking crazy is that lady? Yeah. She, without a mask, without wearing a mask, I mean, you weren't talking about a hypocrite. The fucking all the beauty salons are locked down. She went into the beauty salon with no mask wandering around got a blowout when no one else could even go to the beauty salon. They caught her on security camera. They uploaded it and you know what she said? She said it was a setup. All right. Like they set her up. Like you know the fucking, I don't even have any hair. And I know you can't go to abuse a lot.

And I know the fucking rules. She's a speaker of the house. You tell me you don't know the rules in your district in San Francisco. You don't know the rules. Of course you know the rules. Of course you do. That's so slippery. That landing handed Trump a giant gift.

And not a regular one. When the ones with the far-buyer wrapped around like dude had to go bloody weapon dead.

She's not smart. She's just a politician. She's as greasy. They just been doing it long enough so they know the the moves to do in the right steps. They're all gross. There's no getting around it. You can't you can't survive in that business if you're if you're not gross. Right. You just that's how you get there. That's how you stay there. And they feed off of the fact that they have control. They feed off of the fact that they have power over other people. They have more power than anyone else. And that's one of the reasons why she would do something like that. You tell me she can't get somebody to come to her house and wear a mask and give her a blowout. She's worth a hundred million dollars. Of course she can do that. Right.

She's gonna stroll right in there like she owns the joint. It's just like when you see politicians being hypocritical like that lady in Chicago, the mayor of Chicago. She's like, you know, talking up these people in these peaceful protests and everything's fine. But then they tried protesting on her block. She set up fucking arm guards. She said, it made a mandate. You can't, she just said you can't protest on her street. Right. I have a right to protect my own safety.

That's what we're doing. But that's what people feel when they get into a position of power. That's the problem with power. That's the problem with whether it's Garcetti or Newsom or anybody dictate any of these rules. When someone gets into a position of power, it's fucking intoxicating. The ability to tell people you can't work. Shut it down. You know, start it up. Shut it down. It's intoxicating. And once you have some power, boy, it's very difficult to give that power up. I anticipate that even if they figure out a real cure for coronavirus, I anticipate lockdowns now for flu. I think there's going to be lockdowns for all sorts of diseases that kill a certain amount of people. You could, you could, you might be, might be wrong, but you could see it happening. You could see it happening because they've set up precedent for them, having the ability to dictate whether or not people work and whether or not people are allowed to move freely and do whatever they want. Because that's what happens with people of power. It's a fucking dangerous intoxicant.

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Or the aliens land. I've been thinking that aliens are coming.

They'll tell you in advance what's about to happen.

And I think he's right. Pass me a little baby cigars wrong way. I love those things. The white one, the dark one. Are there different colors?

Oh, that's not a cigar. I know what the fuck that is.

Give me some of that light. Thank you, sir. Yeah. I'm convinced. 100% convinced. How used to be 60%.

Yeah, I talked to Commander Frazier.

Get back up to 75.

I talked to people that have seen them. I talked to this one guy who is a pilot in the Air Force Navy, Navy pilot. I believe Commander Fraver is in the Navy. And he encountered this thing that they called the tick-tack UFO. This is an object that they tracked on radar that went from 60,000 feet to one foot above sea level in less than a second. They don't know how fast it did because it was literally a blip in the radar. It went from 60,000 feet down to one feet. They have no idea how fast it moved. They have no idea how it did it. It shows no signs of propulsion. There's no heat, no exhaust signature. There's nothing that has any indication that it's acting in any way like in any propulsion system that we've ever observed before. Yeah.

That's it, Jamie. You just nailed it. Whatever it was, just found it. You just did it. Oh, it's back again. There's a little, uh, folks of you here. There's a little, um, there's a little strange audio home that Jamie's trying to track down. That's a good say. We'll get this worked out. Yeah. We'll get it worked out.

They might. I don't think so. So you, if I had to give you a percentage of whether or not aliens are real, what's the percentage for you?

I did nothing but good things about that guy. God, he's the best.

I would love to have him on.

He's a thing at what point he stopped working when you that never never.

Wait a minute. Isn't that those Steven Greer movie?

No, no, no, that's Steven Spielberg. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Steven Greer's a guy we had on the podcast before. Oh, they wrote the... Yeah, he's a, you know, he's a UFOologist. Air quotes. Okay. Sideways face.

Blink, monical. There's a lot of fuckery in that UFO world. There's a lot of people that are making documentaries and a lot of people that are, there's a real good one known about Bob Lazar. Called the Bob Lazar UFOs in Area 51. I think that's exactly the title of it, but it's by my friend Jeremy Corbell. And it's about this guy was a physicist who worked at Area S4 and then Nevada Desert back engineering this craft that the government had recovered and immediately upon working there realized like what in the fuck is this? Like right away knew this was no technology that we had currently available. I mean, this guy was a physicist. He was a physicist and nuclear physicist at Los Alamo Slaps. All right. Works on weapon systems. And we're dope. And got there and was like What are you guys doing? What is this? And they were basically explaining, like these are recovered UFOs. And one of them apparently, according to him, was very old. And that it was from some sort of an archaeological dig that they found. And the propulsion system that these things used was that they use this element called element 115 that wasn't even proven to actually exist until I think it was 2013. They proved that it exists in a particle collider. But this guy was talking about in 1989 and he said that they had a stable supply. Is that your phone that keeps doing that? I'm sorry, I mean, it's all right.

That's UFOs. But this documentary is fascinating because the propulsion system that he's describing is exactly the same that Commander Fraver had described in the TikTok UFO that they found off of. You just got to shut it so it doesn't make noise.

I'm not irrelevant. No, no, no, no. Stop saying that. Anyway, the propulsion system that he described in 1989 is exactly the same propulsion system that they witnessed this TikTok UFO using in 2007 or whatever it was a David Fraver. It's seen this thing off the coast of San Diego. So what those people that saw these crafts that were monitoring them in the military they're saying they see these like every few months they see these things they don't know what the fuck they are I don't know what to do they scrambled jets to go watch them they actively block their tracking systems and then they disappear faster than you can look at it just just take off. They have no idea what they are. They don't know where they're from. They don't know what they're doing. And then the Pentagon recently has come forth and released these statements and one of them being that they've recovered crafts that are not of this world.

My little cigarette low went out of, oh no, I dropped some. dirty tobacco juice in this fucking thing. I'm gonna scoop that bad boy out of there. I'm gonna keep drinking. Um, but I'm in dude. I'm on like 95%.

Right. Stop. Stop. You're about. I'm gonna drink this with the ashes.

So she was the first person to explain to me that those miniature pigs.

Well, they think their miniature pigs because they starve them. So people buy this little tiny pig. Oh, this is a miniature is a teacup pig. And they're like, oh, great. Who wouldn't want to see that, you know?

But the bobbles are documentaries and must see if you're if you're curious and on the fence about UFOs and I had that guy in here I talked to him He gave one of the first interviews that he's given in a long fucking time and I picked his brain for hours I'll go back and listen to it. He he didn't seem like a bullshit artist to me There's some weird parts of it, but there's always going to be weird parts when you're talking about literally back engineering, something that someone from another planet invented and using some technology that we don't understand. And one of the analogies that he had was imagine if you brought a nuclear reactor to the 1400s and introduced it to them. Which 1400s is nothing six hundred years ago, in terms of the age of the universe, it's a fucking not even a blink of the night. I think we can just go back to 1800s. 1800s.

That was his- Yeah, I get it. Like this technology is, it is technology. It's clear that they figured out how to manipulate this element and use it to bend gravity. And that's the propulsion system. Instead of using something that pushes like a fire that pushes against, you know, the wind and pushes you in a certain direction or a propeller that pulls you into a certain direction. Instead of that, it bends gravity. And the way he described it's like if you put an massively heavy bowling ball in the center of a bed, right? It just sunk everything into the bed. That's basically like a very crude description of what this element does. And with their this reactor that they have on these spaceships, that it literally bends gravity around it, it allows you to just instantaneously jettison that ship into another position.

Yeah, I think they've been here forever. I think they've been coming down here and observing us and waiting and also coincides with there's a giant jump in sightings right after the Manhattan Project. Right? So right after we started blowing up bombs. They were like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey They probably got a, you know, probably got a news wire. They probably got a Google news alert on their phones. Oh, like, oh, Christ. Look at these things. Look at these crazy monkeys. What have they done?

I'm going to try to pull you out of it. I'm always worried about things that I want to believe. If I want to believe it, I'm always skeptical. Right, me too. I don't want to fuck up. Let me fresh you there, Phil. Thank you.

The only reason why I don't believe 100% all the time is because I know I want to believe 100%. So I think that I'm full of shit. Thanks. I'm worried about my own desire to believe. Right. Because when you want to believe something else again, it's easier. Yeah, you can convince yourself of shit that's not accurate. It's tricky, right? Like, you know, many things.

My wife had to fare, but I wasn't there watching them like, wait.

Would you say you weren't there watching? Okay. Whatever. I did not fuck that guy's ping. I didn't do it.

Where's that? Where's that from?

I think they're all freaks. Yeah. I mean, all the evangelicals that make all that money. There's no way they can power. Yeah. Power. Yeah.

It was so terrible, but the fact that she went from being this lady who fucked this famous preacher to being like this quasi celebrity. And this was before reality TV. We've got to remember, back in those days, there was only a few of those weird pseudo celebrities.

Yeah, in a way. Yeah, in a way. Yeah, in a way. That was the beginning.

Probably not anymore. Probably had it to get to the dance. But she lost everything. Once she was in, she had the eyelashes.

Didn't she die from Diet Coke? I think she's one of the people that they go, man, maybe. I think she drank a hundred Diet Coke today. Like a week ago, I was in, what is this? It's like, I hooked up with this girl. What does it say? Jerry Falwell Jr. allegedly caught on tape warning pool boy not to make wife jealous why this is the one I thought you guys were talking about oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that that handsome fella yeah young boy apparently he would watch the young fellow would say that Jerry Jerry Jr.

Yeah, me just to be real bored. Unless you're like, unless you are trying to really corrupt your wife. You're like, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get some guy to fuck her in front of me and that bitch can't say shit. Right. And now on, I could do all kinds of wild stuff. Like, I watched the pool guy fuck you.

I was watching you suck his dick like this. Huh. If you want, I mean, if you really want to corrupt someone to the point where they got to leave you alone with all your deviance.

That's probably the best way. If you're a woman, because like a woman cheating on a man for whatever reason seems more scandalous than a man cheating on a woman in general. And then on top of that, I don't know why it seems more scandalous, but it does. Because it seems like men cheating, man, it's all dependent upon the person. It's all on the individual, but it's scandalous because it's more scandalous because the man's letting her. Like, there's more three sums, and I'm just pulling this number out of my hat. But I think there's more three sums that involved the wife or the girlfriend bringing in another woman. And ever, then a guy bringing in another guy, like, hey, you know, I love my wife, but she wants, she wants, hey, Bob, she wants you to fuck her. So I'm gonna watch. That's probably way more rare.

Because I have multiple friends that have had their, their girlfriend or their wives, bring home other girls. It seems normal.

Yeah, that's it guys. He's establishing some very loose boundaries.

Very loose for himself too. And for your friendship. Yeah. I think real weird with that guy. He's already showing you video of his wife getting fucked.

Right. That's what I'm saying. That's probably how they do it. There's a lot of, like, sex is such a weird thing in terms of, like, what's acceptable to some folks is deviant to others. And I think there's a lot of these people that are evangelical types in particular, especially that

And it's probably kind of hot, right? The woman comes up a real deeply Christian woman.

Next thing you know, next thing you know, you're doing Coke, right, in a pen house.

Yeah. Why else would you be a billionaire? Why else? The right man. Don't you want to be party? Yeah, right. As you go ahead and fuck you, you do it. Just want to be a billionaire.

What are you going to believe? What is the point? Am I in the way, Jamie? Am I fucking up his camera? We're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh, we're uh,

Oh, well, that's what's so fucked up. You remember when you used to think that pedophile cults were just some ridiculous conspiracy theory, you know, like, oh, hey, man, there's an island and they fly people out the down. They fuck under age girls. Yeah, they didn't really go in on death.

Yeah, that's old joke.

Well, pussy. All right. Yeah. Did you ever do that when I got a few impressions yeah, but he's one of my favorite I did I had this bit that I was doing for a while I don't have you ever thought about I had a new Netflix show called X Presidents High on Mushrooms and the the whole goal of the show was just to get Clinton and that you don't want to get Bush because he would just start crying. But Obama probably, he knows how to do mushrooms. He'll probably be cool with you. That'll probably wouldn't even be that big of deal. But if you can get Clinton high on mushrooms, just get that guy to trip balls. Right. He should have been a comic. That's what I think.

You know, should have been a comic? That weanier guy.

This just said it is dick out to everybody. He went to jail for sending a dick to underage people, right? Right. That's what he did.

Be careful. I didn't know. But he's fucking perverts and deviance. You know, I see perverts and deviants at a good speaker. So I'm like, man, you missed the open mic night.

You're in a business where you get chastised and you lose everything for being who you are. Instead of like selling out stadiums.

Instead of people laughing, you fucked up, bro.

I used to be for the great plague.

I don't think it's happening when it's happening.

Like when I'm getting introduced, when I'm getting introduced, when most of the time I'm high, right? So when I'm getting introduced, there's a moment where I do not believe it's real. And that that moment is always that's at comedy clubs. That's at theaters and it's most certainly at arenas. There's a moment where they're like, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Joe Rogan. And you walk into a theater in the round and there's 15,000 people there. All right. It just does not feel real. It does not feel real. It never feels real. But I know how to do it. Yeah, right? Go out and do it like it feels real. What's up?

This is normal. It doesn't make sense. I think when it makes sense, I'm in trouble. When it doesn't freak me out, you know, that's when I'm in trouble.

Doesn't get drunk enough, right? Yeah, I do.

I don't know how you do. I don't know. I've never figured it out. I just I just shake my head and go, wow. Was that real?

Not only that. It happened to them before it happened anybody else before them. Right. There was no rock stars before the rock stars before the 50s in the 60s. There's nobody selling out 25,000 seats. Like of course elder died on a toilet filled with pills other fuck as he's supposed to manage this thing that no one's ever had to manage before no idea there's no blueprint there is none for us we could look at you know Chris rock and Richard prior and Steve Martin and all these other big acts that came before us and go okay how these guys handle it can I talk to them could I sit down with Louis C. K. could I sit down with Dave Chappelle would tell me what it is like what mistakes do you know what is it like when you walk it's it's set with booby traps and I stepped in every one of them

It's fun when you do it with other people. Chappelle and I did a bunch of gigs and we were supposed to do a bunch more until the COVID hit, but we broke the record of the Tacoma dome. It was 25,000 people. You just said that to bring my number of 20,000. I just added in my pocket. Right. And he was like, Oh, I got this. I'm going to throw it on him. DJ and, you know, he's like, the whole thing is so crazy. Lights are spinning around and everything. And there's a thing that you feel like, first of all, you like, and Dave said to me, right, right before he went on stage, like, we're hanging out in the back. And he's like, Not a lot of motherfuckers get to do this. All right. He's right, too.

Like man, like yeah. And Dave like me gets fucked up before shows. Right. He's like, uh, I like hanging out with other dudes and get really high before shows because there's something about that wild ride. I akin it to, I liken it to skiing downhill when you're going too fast. Right. You know you're in trouble, but you can still do it. Yeah. You make it. You land at the end. You know, like, whoa, that was dangerous, because I really didn't have control of that.

Hi. At one point in time, and then you did it so many times. It was like, all right. Yeah, it's a fun way to do comedy. This is the the most fun thing about comedy is not just doing comedy, but doing comedy with other people that are also enjoying doing comedy.

Right. I know. That's why we have to recreate that here in my friend.

Yeah, that'd be great. I will absolutely be interested in that. We all move out to the ranch and I'll set up barbeque chunks of property on the land just for comments How about every comic every comic that's like a legit headline or gets like a two-acre plot a land on the ranch you got a nice yards you do whatever you want build a house for you

Do we got it? No, it's fucking anybody.

I wouldn't care who's on that brand the pool boy who's got the camera. Yeah, I don't really want to have a cult on a ranch, but but I do think it would be fun to have a comedy club out there.

Look at his abs. Oh my god. Of course yet out.

That's perfect.

That's perfect. That's perfect. That's perfect. That's perfect. That's perfect. That's perfect. That's perfect. Yeah, there he is.

There's like, this is certain fake spiritual look that's like one of my favorite. Right. He looks like he would fuck anybody, anybody. I always feel like with fake spiritual women, they're just trying to find themselves. I give them a free pass. Right. But fake spiritual dudes, I'm like, you're just trying to fuck. I see what you're doing. You're looking for an angle. You just try to get an angle on some lost women. I know what you're doing, bro. Yeah, nice abs though, huh? Crazy. Yeah. Time to watch his diet.

And, uh, well, I don't want a cold building. That seems like a terrible idea. I thought you did it.

The key to a successful cult is you have no membership, do whatever you want. You don't have to leave whenever you want. You don't fuck everybody's wife and you don't take 10% of their money. That's the key. That's the thing they're doing it all wrong. Yeah, which is the point. The point is just stay slightly drunk and keep moving. Right. That's the point.

Yeah. Yeah, micro-dosing and slightly drunk. Yeah. That should be the title of your book.

That's a congratulations.

You really good at batman, or something like that?

Yeah, tricky. That's a touch thing.

I think I've lost some of that twitch. I get it. It's hard in the knees, too. There's a lot like tennis. When I see people playing tennis, I'm like, man, you only have so much meniscus.

Well, he tore it shoulder apart. Two people ball.

So you don't have to move as much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look how far I look at that fact. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, but see once you play virtual reality games, this is seems like a stupid waste of time. Well, out there playing pickleball, you know, you play like one of them sandbox games. You ever go into a sandbox? You know what that is? Yeah. It's a virtual reality studio where you go to like a warehouse. they strap you up with a haptic suit so you feel when you get hit and you put a helmet on so you're in virtual reality where gloves and you you play these fucking crazy games like all kinds of wild games like like you're you're on a pirate ship and the pirate ship gets taken over by demons and skeletons are chasing after you shoot muskets at the skeletons yeah they do I've seen it I think the original one might have been in Austin I believe so But I played it in the Woodman Hills, out near the old studio. And it's a blast. Oh my god, it's fucking awesome. It's so much fun. It's so much fun. And it makes you realize like you were around when Pong came out. Remember when you had the little. Yeah. Yeah. We thought everything that could be invented had been invented. yeah so this is uh this is fast forward a little bit don't care about these people signing up oh you can't oh okay we don't have all the glitches figured out they go through this thing you put on this this thing on your foot on your hands and the suit and the head gear and then you go into these rooms and you're transformed into this avatar, and you play these wild fucking games. And that was an awesome one. The zombie one is awesome. You're in a house, and the house is overcome by zombies, and they come falling out of the ceiling and running towards you, and you're gunning them down. But your weapon's good, and then you can take them out. Yes, their heads explode. It's fucking awesome. It's amazing. Yeah, you're gunning them down. And you watch their little zombie bodies get riddled with bullets. It's amazing. But it's like when we're talking about playing pong. Like when we were kids and we were first playing that, like this is incredible. I'm playing something on the TV. That is what I look at when I look at these games and I say, what is it going to be like in 50 years? What's it going to be like 25 years? Right, five years. It's going to be fucking amazing. It's not going to be pickleball. That's right, it's going to be pickleball. Pickleball is the way out the fucking door. Yeah. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be spaceships. And now you're going to be hanging out with both of us.

They have one-on-one like sword fights you fight with each other with like modern like crazy weapons type situations and you're like me it might my daughter killed me. Just killed me and a one-on-one combat with sweater didn't you? Little bit. All right, but it was fun. They're fun games, man. You just imagine what it's going to be like, you know, doing something where you really can't distinguish. Like you're, it's fun. You're seeing it all. It's wild. The videos wild. You feel it. Like your chest vibrates when you get hit. It's pretty cool. But imagine what it's going to be like when you can't distinguish it between this and reality.

That's gonna happen. Sure. That's next. Oh, that's coming. The moment they could figure out how to do that, like with this Elon Musk neural link, where they're doing that, the moment they could figure out how to tap into your senses to make you really feel like you're having sex with, like, you know, tarot Patrick in her prime. And I'm talking. All right. Woo! Some super hot. What's up, Jan?

And they want to bang each other?

Oh boy. Oh boy. That would be the real question, right?

It's in 66. Oh my god. Yeah, back when Ferrari's at skinny tires. The old days. The old days people didn't know. What are you driving now, Janet?

I was going to drive it up. That's a good thing. Yeah, I have that one that's 65.

Oh, that's a crazy car, man. That's the car that I drive around where I can't believe it's mine. Yeah, I can't believe that's really much.

And he said, it was for the lockdown. Yeah, right. The old days.

All doing shows, but we were there the other day there was a Ferrari three Porsche as a Lamborghini I was like this is the craziest parking lot I've ever seen like Russell Peters Lamborghini truck was there and I was like this is madness this this I mean it's When it was rocking you know I mean when I say this like the old days, but it was really only seven months ago right seven months ago rocking every night fun is fuck It was, we were in the golden years. Me really was. As far as comedy goes, I've been there since 1994. Never been anything like it is now. Right.

The improv changed a little bit over the years.

Yeah, it's, there's something about the store where they realize that the comedians are why the people are there. Right. Where's other clubs?

How did you mule? This is what's going to happen. Joey Diaz is going to go through one New Jersey winter. You got to realize Joey's been out there with us since 96. He doesn't know what winter is. He's going to go through one of those shitty New Jersey winners. And then I'm going to call him up in April. I'm like, Joe Diaz. Really? Joe Diaz is Spotify. My money's burning the hole in my pocket. Come on man. Come out out here. I'll sponsor you. Let's make something happen. I got a club going on. I want you to do a residency. Let's get rolling. Come out here.

I hope so. I hope so. Come on.

I'll fly up there where there we go. Okay. Let's do it. I'll do whatever I can do. I'm accepting the fact because there's no comedy right now. I'm accepting the fact that he wants a new jersey. But I'm only accepting it temporarily. It's like a big like if you looked at my brain like if my brain was a circle or a pie to be like a 15% sliver. Get Joey Diaz out of New Jersey. That's like 15%. He's the listen. He is he's a big factor in all this and in the store and in my career and in comedy and podcast he in general. He's a big factor because he's the party like when when Joey Diaz would like and especially mean him together because he knows what a fan I am of his. Right. So when I'm in the room with him, he knows how much I love him and he could just be free. He could be wild and he knows that I think he's the funniest guy that's ever lived. So when he's rocking and rolling and I'm in the room and I'm dying laughing, I'm the best audience ever.

Yeah, yeah. I just, he's just, he's such a unique person. He's so unique. I don't know anybody like him. He's so wild and crazy and the stories are so ridiculous. This is such a crazy person, but a good person too. He's a really sweet.

He's amazing. He's amazing. I love him the death. I just, he's got this thing. He came from Jersey. He wants to go back to Jersey. That's good. Let me get that out of your system. Do one winter there. All right. I'm gonna be I'm gonna fucking be I'm gonna take a picture on a canoe like on Lady Bird Lake kicking back with like a margarita go Joey what are you doing you digging yourself out of your fucking driveway come to Texas Joey we got a club I can't do anything until I open up the club. Once I open up the club, then I'm going to start calling people. Tim Dylan, he's going to come out here. He wants to move out here, red bin, and wants to move out here. We're going to get a bunch of them out here. Once we have a club, then we'll put up the bat signal. And I'm just gonna, my goal for a club is not to make any money. My goal is to break even and have everybody paid well. And just just just like let's establish a community. And let's do a thing in Austin like we were doing in LA, where we're basically just working on the art. and have an awesome place where people can come to see great comics, fuck around, and work on material, and because of the podcasts, and because of us talking about on the podcast, I think they understood what the store was for. I think so too. It was our hub. Right. It was our home, and that we all, we'd come, like, with a guy like you and a guy like me, and you're like, we don't necessarily work together. You know, you work at your places, and then I work at my places. And the only time we get together is at a club where we're working on material. Because you're headline into these big fucking places, and I'm going off of these other places, and we need a place where it's like a hub, like a home base. And that's what the store was for us. But I think that's created because of comics.

Well, I've had the same manager since I was an open-micro. Wow. Yeah, my manager found me in Boston in 1990. I don't want to say 91. Yeah, I was basically just scratching out a living. I would get a few paid gigs, but I was basically a beginner. You know, I'd get paid gigs every now and again, but I wasn't.

No, that started doing that after I tore my ACL. I hurt my knee and I had to rehab my knee and I had to get knee surgery and I was hanging out with my friend John and we would go to the executive billiers and white planes in New York because I had moved to New York to do stand up because I met my manager and boss and he flew me out to New York and brought me out to New York and I lived there from then on and I would go to this pool hall and i started seeing there was a i got just stumbled into it just blind luck it was a pool hall where there's a lot of gambling like high stakes game i saw ten thousand dollar pool games wow how fun wild wild shit people gambling bet bet bet money and yelling and all the everyone it was back in the day when you could smoke so the whole place is filled with smoke and it was like a different kind of deviance that was real similar to the deviants that I had experienced with comics, and also the deviants that I experienced with fighters, because I grew up in martial arts. I grew up around fighters, and they were a different kind of deviant, and then I'm around these pool hall deviants. I realize there's a bunch of different clusters of people that didn't accept the society standards. They're like, I don't want to live like that. I don't want to do what these people are asking me to do. I want to live in a free way. You know, I want to be vagabonds. I met a lot of homeless people that I became friends with. You know, like I had homeless guys with sleep on my couch in my apartment, like guys who would just pull hustlers, they would come home. They didn't have anywhere to stay. They would sleep underneath the tables at Chelsea Billiards in New York because it was a 24-hour show.

I was driving limos. I had quit fighting by then, and I had quit even teaching. So I was teaching at Boston University. I had taught a accredited class in Taekwondo at Boston University. And that was when I won the US Open. I had won a bunch of different like national and regional Taekwondo tournaments. I was basically a type of known instructor, and fighting, and I was trying to make the Olympic team. But along the way, I started kickboxing, and I realized a type of know-how had all these fucking holes in it, and then I realized that kickboxing was giving me brain damage. So sparring a lot, and then I was getting a lot of headaches, and I was like, I think I might be wrecking my brain, and then I quit doing stand-up, or quit fighting rather, and I started doing stand-up. And I took on all these other jobs because I didn't want to short change my students. So I stopped teaching. So I wasn't in, I just wasn't into it like I was before. I was obsessed with standing up. So I quit my school, I quit teaching at BU. And I was driving limos and I was working for a private investigator. I was driving him around. He lost his license and the DUI. To this day, one of the funniest people I ever met. Dying in my dickless Dave Dolan. So when the funniest fucking dude I ever met in my life. He caught himself. He would call me up. He'd go smoke and Joe. It's dynamite, dickless Dave Dolan. He remained my friend to the day he died a few years back of cancer unfortunately. But he remained my friend to the date. He had a bunch of medical issues. He had a stroke, a lot of shit went bad. But great dude. But remained friends with them to the date died. But he was literally one of the funniest people I've ever met that never did stand up. And what's funny is his cousin was Bill Downs. It was one of the owners of the comedy connection. And so just randomly, I fucking took, I answered an ad, you know, we're talking about 1988. I answered an ad in the newspaper, someone was looking for an assistant for a private investigator. And I was like, oh, that's a good job. I'm being assistant to a private investigator. That sounds exciting. But really, he needed a driver because he lost his license on a DIY. So I was driving dynamite dickless Dave Dolan around and we would catch people mostly it was mostly insurance games mostly people that were you know like they were getting disability insurance and they were still working on the side we catch him doing that but occasionally it was like some guy wanted there was one one guy that Dave was falling around one guy who's uh his he had this wife that just kept fucking this bodybuilder and uh he would David get pictures of this guy plow on this girl and the guy was like okay we'll keep following her he's like hey you sick fuck he goes I gave you the pictures he goes I'm not fucking he goes this guy wants pictures he wants the pictures he's asking me to keep following I got pictures of this guy fucking your wife we're done we're done buddy You had to meet the guy. I mean, he was such a Boston, like an Irish Boston character. And he was, uh, and he's a private investigator. Never wanted to do anything else. He loved it. Loved it. Love catching people.

Yeah.

This is a few pictures of me out there with them.

I've been around Jamie

Well, that's about as famous as you can imagine.

No, no, we had passed.

Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan. No. Yeah, right. Private investigator. Private investigator.

Goff's one of those games where you can be like ranked number 20th and be a multi-multime millionaire. Oh, yeah. Ridiculous. Yeah. Just balling out of control. Most people don't even know who you are.

Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying. Like I know.

You don't know. I'm a professional sports commentator. That's one of my bad gigs and I don't even know the rules to most sports.

It's, uh, I do a lot of shit.

I don't know anything about golf.

Well, I like doing a lot of different things. I don't think I'd be the same person if I, I think I have a unique mental illness that I need to be constantly stimulated with different challenging things. And if I'm not, then I make problems for myself. You know, then addictions and weirdness. And I'm the person that needs to, I need to have challenges all the time. I need to have puzzles. and you have things to solve, and you need to have stuff to do. Yeah. That's my unique mental illness. Like so, when someone says like, why do you do so many things? Because I like being happy. I like being sane. If I don't, I just figured it out over time in my life. If I don't have things that challenge me, like if I don't get up early and work out, if I don't do something that's hard to do, I'm not the guy I can't sit around.

My wife taught me how to go on vacations. I wasn't good at it. I needed to learn how to just accept the fact that I was just not going to do anything, just have fun, and be on the beach, and just drink, and just relax, and just swim, and do whatever the fuck you do on beaches. But I got good at it now.

I'm better at it now. I'm a beginner.

You don't have a fun. Well, you know what I learned I learned how to relax. Sometimes you think, I used to think that if I took time off, I was losing progress. This is how psycho end. I'm losing, I'm losing, I'm gonna get out of shape. My martial arts is gonna slip. My comedy is gonna slip. I'm not gonna be doing podcasts. That's gonna slip. I had this sickness that way. Then I realized that as a healthy person, and the healthier I am as a person, the better I am and all those other things. So the more time I'm hanging out and just having fun, if I can do that and just recharge, then when I come back I'm better. So every time I've come back from the vacation, I've been more enthusiastic, when I'm more enthusiastic, I'm always better at everything I do because there's more positive energy, more appreciation, you know? Right. That's how I look at it. So I haven't, I haven't hated this time off. I don't like what's going on in the country. I hate what's going on with the country. I wish I missed the days and people could just disagree. Yeah, I missed the truth. And that's a truth.

You heard it right down. Everybody write it down for it.

The idea is just to do something crazy and have fun. And I already done that by moving out here. And they're just packing up. That was a mess.

I like doing things you're not supposed to do. I like doing things like this. Like just fucking pack up the whole thing and doing it right when we're moving to Spotify, right? So it's a big, crazy deal and then the Zolls controversy like that.

It's a little bit of that for sure. I don't I definitely don't like paying that much in taxes.

We're going to have fun out here, man. We can have a lot of fun out here. I don't think so.

I just, well, I really do. I want to help them. I want to help them in the way I've tried to help a lot of up and coming comics in LA and get them on the podcast, promote them. And the, the idea is, if we open up a club, when we open up a club, I should say, is to have these local guys come in, pump them up, let people know that they know there's a real scene here. And yeah, and help them help them flourish and help comic, not just Austin comics, but everywhere. bring them into this place and have this be a hub. The only reason why LA's a hub is because of a the Comedy Store and B Hollywood and I came to a Hollywood because I had a TV deal but really what I wanted was to be at the store. That was Mecca to me. I had heard about it when I was in Boston but when I came to the Comedy Store 94 was a shit hole. I mean, they were the comics are terrible. So every now and then Martin Lawrence show up or Damon Wands or Domarera or Dice Clay. But for the most part, it was a lot of boat acts. It was a disaster. There's a lot of people that just have old terrible jokes and it was just like, I was like, this is the store. It was very disappointing. But the place itself drew people. The drew people there. You knew that that was the place where the real comics went and they made a career out of it. But this world is different now. Like for a comic, if you get a television show, it's actually like, oh, you're poor bastard. Like you could have had a podcast. Like you could have been your own boss. You could have, I mean, and now a lot of comics are realizing they don't even want ads anymore. They just want to do Patreon. They want to just have have podcasts and put them out either for free and have, you know, get YouTube ads or there's a lot of people trying to figure out what's the best way to be free. But for sure, the best way to be free is not to be connected to the Hollywood machine, because the Hollywood machine is all woke now, and it's completely ridiculous, and everyone's full of shit, and we're not actors, man. We're different things. You know, it's cats and dogs live together. We're fucking different things. You know, we can act, we can do it. We both have, but the reality is you're a

Yes. And I am as well. There's a lot of us. There's a lot of us. And we don't need that machine. What we need is a machine that we create ourselves. And we did that a lot. One of the reasons why the store works so well over the last few years because it was fueled by podcasts. Yeah, feel by everybody. Like, I would tell people, hey, you got to see this kid Frank Castillo, he's hilarious, Tony Hinch Cliff, this guy's coming up, Joey Diaz, the funniest guy ever, Ron White's the baddest motherfucker that ever lived. All these people, and we would all talk about these people and tell these crazy stories, and then everybody would remember, and then they would come. They were, they had international tourism to the Comedy Store. People were flying in from Ireland and Australia. And they should have been. And then they should have been.

They would come in on a Tuesday and see one of the craziest line-ups you've ever seen in your fucking life.

That's the idea is to do something at the ranch where you build a theater with the concerts for charity and then have a club in town. Yeah. Oh. A lot of these places on sixth street are going to go under, unfortunately. Unfortunately. There's a lot of places that are going to go under because no one can work. You know, and I would love it if they all stayed open, but some of we're not going to be able to. And so we'll scoop one of those.

Isn't this exciting talking about it? Really, you know, fuck it is. Fuck it. It's hiding, right? Yeah, that's why I'm here. I like exciting things. All the things I'm interested in are exciting. I like bow hunting. I like stand-up comedy. I like fighting. All these things are exciting things. I like exciting things. And I think I can do something here that's exciting.

I like smoking pot and freaking out. So I like to get nervous. I do. One of my favorite things about smoking pot is being paranoid. People getting the people get terrified of and they run away from. It's one of my favorite parts of being high.

We're COVID tested clean this box.

But the no swab, the thing about the antibody test is two indicators. One of them is whether or not your body is currently fighting the virus. So this one is whether or not you beat the virus and one whether you're currently fighting the virus. So you know you're not currently fighting the virus. I feel good. So according to the doctors, a very low possibility that you have it and then we eliminate that with the swab. Right.

Take Vitamin D. I'll give you a hug. I'll give you a hug. I'll give you a hug. I'll give you a hug.

I'll give you a hug. I'll give you a hug. I'll give you a hug.

I'll give you a hug. It's not that much. And when you eat, I have these vitamin D gummies that I chew all the time. There's like, I think you take three of them. It's 5,000 I use. It's not big deal. It's small gummies. It tastes good. It's easy to do.

This is probably like one gram of carbs. No, they're probably gelatin. No, they're thick on it. That's horse from the front. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's basically fingernails. Right. And hair. Yeah. It's good for you. Protein, collagen. Yeah, not bad for you.

That's exciting. Because you're always in these train wrecks. Right.

I got a buddy of mine who got obsessed with you just to win. He dated a girl who was a black belt. And they spared and she tapped him easily. And he was like, what the fuck? So he became obsessed with it. Because his girlfriend fucked him up. Right?

Well, Jiu Jitsu is one of the rare martial arts where a woman really can kill you. Like 100% legit. Like you, you, you, you, you know what?

Right? I don't need it in my house. Yeah. I get it. Don't take it the wrong way, ladies. I'm just saying. Yeah. All those killer ladies out there like fuck.

Lorraine above it. Yeah, John Bob and Lorraine above it. It's cut off his dick.

And then he stitched it back on and did porn.

How good was that so in job? Not good. It was like about how good I would sew it up. Yeah, I really didn't look good.

I don't know if it's deeper than that. Pre Viagra porn too.

No, and it never really got hard. It was a mess. She sliced it off and threw it on the side of the road. And they had to wait a while before they found it.

I don't need you to my life either. But I've had it in my life. I've seen a lot of things I shouldn't have seen. But someone sends me a link. I'm like, all right. You're going in. Let's see. Let's see what's up.

Oh, yeah. Blenders. Guys, a fucking wonders. Yeah. Right tables, chairs. Right.

I'm not going to go there. That's the problem with the internet as you find out that you mean everybody knows someone who's a fucking moron, but you don't realize how many of them there are until you really go online and start searching.

I don't think the Tom Hanks things true. I think there's a lot of people that are just really dumb and they get involved in conspiracy theories and they believe everything and there's a lot of people out there that are sewing misinformation is a bunch of Russian trolls and body counts and a lot of chaos and sewing seeds of doubt in our democracy and life in general and trying to tell you that All the elites are fucking lizard people that are running things behind closed doors with Satan. But for sure, there's guys out there that have fucked a lot of young girls. That's for sure. And that's what that Epstein shits all about. And that's what's so spooky about it was that it's prominent politicians and scientists and celebrities and they all flew out to fuck Island. And it's real. And then when the guys in custody, with fucking security cameras and the whole deal he hangs himself in a way that's physically impossible yeah and everybody's like well no more need for further investigation so unnecessary if it was anybody else involved in any other thing they died in that way we would look deeply into it, but they basically just just tried to let it go passing the new cycle. Yeah, but no one's thinking about it anymore.

Because he's an idiot, mother fucker. The only reason why he's in that position at all is because one of his uncles, one of his aunts and the other. Right. And then there you are. He means bloodline thing. It's not like an earned position because you've really worked really hard to get there. You don't become a prince because you've kicked ass.

I mean, you even get a PhD in Princeton.

No, absolutely. How about that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle? Isn't that crazy? It's crazy.

Oh, they signed a mega white Netflix deal. I bet they do. What are you doing? Having you learn Netflix? You've made some big boo-boos. Stop it. Netflix, if you think about making decisions like this, call me up first. Me? No. I'm talking to Netflix. I'll get them high and pull them aside and go listen. This is not going to work. You're going to spend a lot of money. Right. No one goes to fuck. Buy another Ron White Special. That's what I'm talking about. What these people are is like, they're good for snippets in the news. They're good for you. Look at the Google news feed. Like, what are they doing? Oh, they're actually they're extradited from the kingdom.

Wait a minute, did you watch her sex tape? Huh? You're talking all the shit. Did you watch her sex tape?

Well, you should have. Then you wouldn't be saying this doesn't have any talent.

How was it? Yeah, enthusiastic.

I think what's I think that family all bullshit side no jokes is the mother is very skillful in the way she's managed them. That's what it is.

Well, it's, they've figured out a way to keep people interested and keep people talking about them. And yeah, it's not just the monster doing it.

Yeah, we're helping them. And then the mother, but, but here's the thing about Kim. She's done some legitimate amazing work in getting people out of jail that were wrongly accused. Yes. And that's why I don't make fun of her anymore except the thing I said about her sex tape.

I felt like that too. That's it. Thank you very much. But she's really done a lot of like legitimate good to help people get released from prison that were wrongly accused.

I love the innocence. I love the series.

Oh, toothed by him. Yes.

Well, Josh Dubin, who's one of the guys who's been on this podcast before, he has a podcast called Junk Science. It's about the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, junk science about like bite marks. There it is. Wrongful conviction junk science, bite mark evidence. This is Josh Dubin, who's been on the podcast before. That guy made me cry like a baby, telling me some stories about people getting out of jail that were wronged.

Oh, that's probably their eventually. I'm like, come on man. What about you? You're going to sell a place. I saw my place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm staying here. I like it a lot. I felt I felt real comfortable real quick real quick. I'm only been here a little over a week. Right. I fucking right.

Look. I already got a studio. I'm all set up.

But it's moved that around, you know, I feel like, um, this is a better spot for me. And again, it's like practicing what I preach. I don't think we need to be connected to that machine out there that Hollywood machine.

It's that you can do it from anywhere, but it's also what really serves the comics. What really serves the comics is the podcast industry. The podcast industry goes where the podcasters go. Right. So let's bring them all here.

You keep saying that I used to be a comic, too. That's horseshit, you're a comic. You're run fucking white, man. Don't ever say that. You need to stop saying that. Once I get you up at the club, come on, man. You're going to crush, you're going to tell that story about those things. That's what I'm waiting for.

Once the club. So this will come. As soon as we get this mayor out of office, just kidding. As soon as we figured out a way to open up these clubs, we have a meeting under the bridge. Yeah, we know we got a bunker. We don't need to go into the bridge. We just need to get good clubs open test. As soon as they come up with rapid testing and some more tentable therapeutic. Yeah, we'll be alright. People want to go out there and they miss it. They miss it bad. I miss it. I miss sitting in a club watching other comics. I almost as much as I miss doing stand up. I miss it. Everybody, but the people that are just fans, they just have regular jobs that used to love date night, go out through a comedy club, have a great fucking time. Have a few drinks, laughter, asshole. They miss it.

Fuck yeah. Yeah, we just got to make weed legal here. God, down here, Frewell. All right. I know it's kind of legal.

Like it isn't California.

And it's like, get past the rough spots.

Right.

Well, when you come down a little bit, you feel real thankful. You're not as fucked up as you were an hour.

Yes, that was good feelings. Good feelings of survival. I think you have to feel like you're gonna die to really appreciate being alive.

And that crazy said you had toured and you kind of like settled into this idea that I'm just going to be here in Mexico making pottery.

But you were in Mexico and that's you were doing pottery. Yeah. I'm hoping for Jeff Fox. Yeah.

This is pre-internet.

I was just like, what about this? It is crazy though, that it all popped for you at 42.

I think Fox was, is one of the most underrated comics ever.

I've never heard anything but good things about that, man.

He's a big time bow hunter too, you know.

You know, he doesn't hold mature deer. They're past their breedings. Yeah.

You should come out here and we should shoot some pigs. They have to get rid of him.

What's he doing in this video, Jamie?

Well, that's a nice deer.

Yep. It's out there whacking deer.

That Richard Lincoln. Yeah. Damn, Jamie, right out of the fucking gate. Yeah.

The last pig. Good luck with that. There's a lot of pigs.

And then there's like people pigs outside the gates going what the fuck is this I want in if you let wild pigs in if they were avert to being like domestic pigs because if you take domestic pigs and they go wild like you were talking about your friends pigs. They did fine tusks. Yeah, and they think they're fine.

I've seen it in the... You know crazy. Right. You've been around crazy.

From what let's wrap it up. We did it.

Brother, another beautiful podcast. Thank you. Thanks for making me come here.

I knew there was a spot we could be together.

You can vacation with us too. Well, because when it's legal, I got nothing to do, man. I know nothing to do. You got something to do once the branch opens up. Yeah, absolutely.

Bye, everybody. Good night.

If you want to be more confident, you have to start taking care of yourself.